I used to have a strong need to be perfect. And I knew I wasn’t perfect. So, instead of trying, putting in effort, and seeing what I was capable of, I avoided doing things. My fear of failure was keeping me from living my life to its fullest. Let me tell you, this is not a healthy or happy way to live your life.

In college, I struggled with some classes, particularly engineering statistics. This is likely the point when I started actively avoiding things where I might not be excellent.

Instead of getting a tutor, asking for help, or spending extra time studying, I stopped going to class. It was too late to drop the class, and rather than try and possibly fail, I decided I would choose to fail. See, I didn’t fail that class because I’m not smart enough, or good enough. I failed because I made a choice not to go. Somehow, I had convinced myself this was better.

I had already done this with one class, but that was an art class, an elective, and easily made up for with another class. If I wanted to graduate with a B.S. degree in computer science, I absolutely had to pass this statistics class. In choosing to give up—because, let’s be honest, that’s really what happened—I was giving up on my major. I was in my third year, so changing my major would delay my graduation.

As it turns out, I found a major I could switch to that required almost all the same classes that I had already taken while pursuing computer science. And didn’t require engineering statistics. Instead, I took business statistics over the summer. The difference here is eng. stats is mostly calculus, and business stats is applied statistics. Here, I not only excelled, I had the highest grade in the class. I used this as justification that I’d made the right decision.

In the end, this did all work out work for me. But what if I had put in some effort, gotten a tutor, and passed that engineering statistics class? How would my life be different? Would it be better? Worse? I’ll never know.

Years later, I read a book called Mindset by Carol Dweck. This was where I learned that there’s a name for my behavior. The opposite of a growth mindset is a fixed mindset. I believed I would fail because I innately suck at calculus. With a growth mindset, I would have believed that with effort and hard work, I might be able to learn calculus and pass the class.

Is failing scary? Yes, it most definitely is. Is it the end of the world? In most cases, no. While being perfect and never failing might seem ideal, this is not how you achieve greatness. Greatness takes effort, dedication, and hard work. And often, it is failure (and learning from failure) that leads to both greatness and success.

I am not exactly sure when I conquered my fear of failure. Actually, if I’m being honest, I didn’t conquer this fear–I learned to live with it. I learned that it’s ok to be afraid, something things are scary, but that doesn’t mean they aren’t worth doing.

I can do hard things.

PS. Writing this reminded me of Dear Me, This Isn’t What Life is Like, which I originally wrote in 2021.

Reading this over now, a year and a half later, I’m grateful to past me for learning hard lessons, admitting to failure, and adopting a growth mindset.

Like this article? Click the ♥️ button or leave a comment 💬.

xo,

Brie

PS. If you’d like to support my writing and my work on QUALITY BOSS, you can buy me a coffee through Ko-fi.

Coaching/Mentoring: Interested in working with me? Book a call here to get started.

My areas of expertise and interest are leadership development, conquering impostor syndrome, values exploration, goal setting, and creating habits & systems. And, of course, Quality Engineering. 🐞

However, several things happened this week:

💻 On Monday, I started a new job!

🏥 Wednesday through Friday, I helped a family member navigate a health crisis and spent two days talking to doctors, nurses, and social workers in the ICU.

Instead of forcing myself to finish the High Road Leadership article, I focused on family and self-care. Apart from visiting the hospital, I spent my weekend doing yoga, catching up on Emily in Paris, walking my dogs, and treating myself to Indian food and Ridge Zinfandel.

Being at the hospital this week reminded me how important self-care is. It’s not just attending to our physical and medical needs but paying attention to our mental and emotional well-being.

Self-care doesn’t have to be expensive or time-intensive. A little bit can go a long way. If you need ideas for your own self-care, please check out my 30-day challenge.1

Once I’m settled in with the new job, and my family member is out of the hospital, I’ll be back with a look at John C. Maxwell’s latest book, High Road Leadership, and more articles on Quality Engineering.

xo,

Brie

As it turns out, a lot of this advice is relevant for everyone at any point in their lives:

• Seek out challenges and adventures; Approach life with a growth mindset.

• Have courage and be kind.

• Your thoughts are not your identity.

Here’s what I wrote to my teenage self:

Dear Me,  

This isn't what life is like. I know high school sucks, and you're pretty miserable. I don't blame you. If the popular coming-of-age movies are to be believed, this isn't an isolated feeling. Even if sometimes you are feeling isolated, like you're the only one being treated this way, trust me when I say it isn't so.  

It may not seem like it, but it will get better. And, as trite as this may sound, you've since learned that it's not nearly as bad as it could have been. We grew up with a lot of privilege, and we still have a lot of privilege in our life, we should be grateful for that. We've always had a warm, safe bed and food on the table—that's not the case for everyone.  

What advice do I have for you? Well, my life has turned out pretty great, so you did well. Thanks for getting us to where we are.

If you'd like to choose a different adventure, roll the dice, and see where that takes us, some ideas: Don't give up on college so easily. Do what it takes to go to Berkeley, I think you'd really like it there. Or apply to study abroad, that might be a fun adventure. We could go to Spain or Argentina and finally make use of our Spanish and become fluent.  

And if you don't do these things, that's ok. By the way, it's ok to make mistakes! What's important is approaching life with a growth mindset, and using these opportunities to learn and do better in the future. It took me a really long time to learn that, I used to run away from anything challenging (I'm looking at you, Engineering Statistics). 

If you can be inspired by challenges and run towards them, instead of away, you might be surprised at what can happen. It's normal to be scared, that's just part of life. Being brave is doing scary things despite your fears. "Have courage and be kind" is a motto to live by.  

This is perhaps one of the greatest things I've learned, along with knowing that your thoughts are not your identify, and everything you think about yourself is not true.  

Oh, one last thing — if you find CompSci is not your thing, try taking a Philosophy class.

Conversation starter: What advice would you give your teenage self?

Leave a comment

Like this article? Click the ♥️ button or leave a comment 💬.

xo,

Brie

PS. If you’d like to support my writing and my work on QUALITY BOSS, you can show appreciation by leaving me a tip through Ko-fi.

Coaching/Mentoring: Interested in working with me? Book a call here to get started.

My areas of expertise and interest are leadership development, conquering impostor syndrome, values exploration, goal setting, and creating habits & systems. And, of course, Quality Engineering. 🐞

Last week, I discussed Liminal Thinking and how changing your beliefs is the key to all change. As I wrote that article, I remembered how closely belief and identity are tied together, and how you view your identity can affect your resilience.

“Who you are should be a question of what you value, not what you believe. Values are your core principles in life–they might be excellence and generosity, freedom and fairness, or security and integrity.”

Think Again, Adam Grant

When your identity is tied to your beliefs rather than your values, it is harder to change what you believe. And when your identity is centered on only one thing or dependent on external factors, change is hard, and you are less resilient.

Identity Centered on Roles vs. Values

Take these two examples:

Marge1 is a mother, married, and an accountant. She centers her identity on these three roles.

Lisa is also a mother, married, and an accountant. She centers her identity on her values–family, connection, and financial responsibility.

Marge will have a more challenging time going through a divorce because she will be losing the “married” part of her identity. Divorce won’t necessarily be easy for Lisa, but she will have more resilience because her identity, based on her values, remains intact. She still values connection.

The same goes for a job loss. Marge faces a more complex change because her identity is tied to her job. Lisa may no longer be employed as an accountant, but her value of financial responsibility remains. While how this value shows up may change, her core identity doesn’t have to change with the loss of her job.

As you can see, having an identity tied to values rather than external roles/factors has given Lisa more resilience. This is not to say that change won’t be challenging, but it might be easier.

My Personal Experience with Professional Identity

When I read Think Again a few years ago, I realized my professional identity was completely tied to my job and company. Leaving this job was hard for me; being part of this company and my role within it had become my professional identity. Even my mom had incorporated this into her view of my identity, and when I told her I was quitting, she said, “I can’t imagine you not working there.”

I had to let go of that part of my identity to move to another job. I chose to separate my identity from any particular job or company. When I moved to a new role in a new company, it was hard not to repeat the same mistake and center my identity on the new company.

Developing My Personal Identity and Habits

Beyond my professional life, I’ve also worked on developing a personal identity centered on my core values and habits. I realized that aligning my daily habits with my values helps me stay true to my identity regardless of external circumstances.

For instance, one of my core values is curiosity. I nurture this value by dedicating time each day to learning something new, whether through reading, taking an online course, or exploring a new hobby. This habit keeps me engaged and continuously growing.

Another important value for me is connection. I make it a habit to regularly connect with friends and family to maintain and strengthen these relationships. By prioritizing connection in my daily life, I reinforce my identity as someone who values and nurtures personal relationships.

A Values-Based Identity

Today, I view my identity as a showcase for my values: connection, curiosity, wisdom, courage, and kindness. So whether I’m writing here at QUALITY BOSS, starting a new role as Head of QE, hanging out with friends, or anything else under the sun and stars, I can bring those values with me.

If you’re struggling to identify your core values, you’re not alone. If you’d like help exploring your values, I’m here to support you. Feel free to reach out if you want to discuss this further or need guidance in uncovering your values. Together, we can work on aligning with your core values and building a more resilient and authentic identity.

Conversation Starters

• Have you ever experienced a significant change in your life that challenged your identity? How did you cope with it?

• How do you separate your professional identity from your job or company? What strategies have helped you maintain a sense of self beyond your role?

• What daily habits do you have that align with your core values? How do these habits help you stay true to who you are?

• In what ways do you think focusing on values rather than roles or other external factors helps build resilience?

Share your thoughts in the comments!

Leave a comment

xo,

Brie

Like this article? Click the ♥️ button or leave a comment 💬.

PS. If you’d like to support my writing and my work on QUALITY BOSS, you can show appreciation by leaving me a tip through Ko-fi.

Coaching/Mentoring: Interested in working with me? Book a call here to get started.

My areas of expertise and interest are leadership development, conquering impostor syndrome, values exploration, goal setting, and creating habits & systems. And, of course, Quality Engineering. 🐞

As Amor Towles beautifully puts it in A Gentleman in Moscow, “…if a man does not master his circumstances, then he is bound to be mastered by them.”

Earlier this year, I read Shane Parrish’s Clear Thinking—a guide on better decision-making by recognizing default patterns and behaviors. While flipping through the pages of Liminal Thinking, I thought it might be a complementary read and build on similar principles, so I decided to add it to my stack. I’m glad I did; it’s a definite must-read!

You may be wondering, what the heck is liminal thinking? According to the book, “Liminal thinking is the art of creating change by understanding, shaping, and reframing beliefs.”

The concept of liminal thinking explores the idea that beliefs shape our perceptions and actions, and by changing those beliefs, we can alter our reality. This approach encourages examining the patterns and assumptions in our lives that may be holding us back.

But liminal thinking isn't just about thinking differently; it's about embracing those "liminal" spaces between established thoughts and beliefs—the spaces where true transformation occurs.

Gray humanizes the concepts he presents through reflections and storytelling, making them relatable and accessible. For instance, when he discusses the idea of "doom loops"—repetitive, negative patterns in our lives—he presents a concrete example of punishing or rewarding a dog. He then encourages readers to sketch patterns from their own lives and imagine how they might transform them into "delight loops." This exercise is more than theoretical; it's a practical tool that readers can immediately implement.

Here’s an example of a doom loop that I transformed into a delight loop.

Applying Liminal Thinking

Liminal thinking can be applied to your personal life, your team, or even the world.

Gray challenges us to question our assumptions, embrace uncertainty, and explore new perspectives. By doing so, we open ourselves up to the possibility of profound change—not just in our lives but in the world around us.

The emphasis on reshaping beliefs to transform reality struck a chord with me. For instance, when Gray discusses "doom loops" and "delight loops," it prompted me to reflect on similar patterns in my own life. This eye-opening exploration inspired me to approach challenges with a new perspective.

Additionally, the notion of beliefs defining our identities (see the Six Principles below) reminds me of Adam Grant’s Think Again. These books have inspired me to reflect on the life I want and the beliefs holding me back. Learning to let go of beliefs that no longer serve me is an ongoing process. I’m finding that some are easier to let go of than others!

I realized that my identity and self-worth were very tightly entwined with my career and salary. Untangling this hasn’t been easy, but slowly challenging and replacing the beliefs with new beliefs, such as “my worth is more than just money,” has been life-altering.

Whether you're a leader seeking to inspire your team, an individual pursuing personal growth, or simply curious about the power of beliefs, Liminal Thinking offers invaluable insights and practical exercises. I highly recommend this book to anyone seeking change.

Its numerous examples and exercises make applying liminal thinking accessible and transformative. It might just change the way you see yourself and the world.

Liminal Thinking: Six Principles

Now, let’s delve into the six core principles of liminal thinking and their application within teams.1

Beliefs are Models

Our beliefs are not reality itself but our interpretation of it. They shape how we perceive the world. Recognizing this allows us to change our beliefs. Remember, beliefs do not equal facts.

In a team setting, each member brings their own beliefs shaped by their experiences and backgrounds. These individual beliefs collectively form the team's model of reality, influencing decisions, actions, and interactions. Identifying and discussing these beliefs is crucial to ensure alignment and openness to new perspectives.

Beliefs are Created

They form through experiences, interactions, and the stories we tell ourselves. Consider your team's beliefs. How do they compare with other teams in your company? What beliefs would benefit your team? What beliefs should the team let go of?

Beliefs Create a Shared World

Shared beliefs help us connect with others by creating a common understanding. Without shared beliefs, there is only chaos. It would be hard to function without them!

If a team or group wants to change, the starting point is identifying and changing the underlying shared beliefs.

Beliefs Create Blind Spots

They can limit our perceptions and prevent us from seeing alternative possibilities. Does your team have blind spots? What might you be missing because of them? Are there outdated or limiting beliefs that your team holds? How can you challenge and update these to improve team dynamics and performance?

Beliefs Defend Themselves

Beliefs are maintained by self-sealing logic, protecting our identity and self-worth. Team members may unconsciously defend their existing beliefs to maintain a sense of stability and predictability. Recognizing this defensive behavior is the first step toward fostering a more open and adaptable team culture. How does your team react to challenges or changes? Are certain beliefs resistant to scrutiny?

Beliefs are Tied to Identity

Core beliefs are the toughest to change because they’re tied to our identity. In a team, these core beliefs shape the group's collective identity. For example, a team might pride itself on speed or efficiency.

While such identities drive performance, they can also become barriers if they prevent the team from adapting to new circumstances or embracing different methods. Understanding and addressing these core beliefs is crucial for fostering meaningful and sustainable change within the team.

What beliefs define your team’s identity? How can you ensure these beliefs are empowering rather than limiting?

Conversation Starters

• What does "liminal thinking" mean to you, and how does it apply to your life or work?

• What beliefs do you have that might be holding you back?

• How can embracing uncertainty and challenging beliefs lead to personal growth and development?

• What strategies or practices do you use to challenge your assumptions and expand your viewpoints?

• How can liminal thinking be applied to software quality and testing?

Leave a comment

Like this article? Click the ♥️ button or leave a comment 💬 to share your thoughts.

xo,

Brie

PS. If you’d like to support my writing and my work on QUALITY BOSS, you can show appreciation by leaving me a tip through Ko-fi.

Coaching/Mentoring: Interested in working with me? Book a call here to get started.

My areas of expertise and interest are leadership development, conquering impostor syndrome, values exploration, goal setting, and creating habits & systems. And, of course, Quality Engineering. 🐞

xo,

Brie

International Women’s Day: a day when companies, brands, and men pay lip-service to women and to diversity, equity, and inclusion.

This is how I have often seen IWD. In the past, I’ve often received flowers to celebrate the day, but it always felt off. How does that help women achieve equality? How does that empower women to be visible, to take control of their careers, and go for what they want?

Lift as We Climb

This year, I want to do something meaningful and embrace the “Lift as We Climb” mentality. M y initial impulse was to offer myself as a coach or mentor. Then impostor syndrome set in after I saw a colleague, a master certified coach, providing free coaching sessions along with a group of certified coaches.

Then it dawned on me—just because someone else offers something similar, it doesn't diminish my value or what I can offer. My contributions will be different, but no less meaningful. And I can rise while lifting others, contributing in my own way.

I’m drawn to leadership development and personal growth, areas I absolutely loved as part of being a people manager. Before leaving Automattic, I was exploring how to incorporate more of this into my role, and that continues now. In parallel with my job hunt, I have been exploring coaching, including training and certification.

Being able to help others evoke transformational change in their lives is what draws me to both mentoring and coaching. And I’d love to share that with others.

Coaching/Mentoring Offer

So, I’m offering free coaching and/or mentoring for 5 women, up to 5 hours each. If you’re interested, email me and let’s talk!

Join the Discussion

• How do you want to be celebrated for IWD?

• What are your thoughts about IWD?

Happy International Women’s Day,

Brie

Leave me a tip with Ko-fi

But whether we call it impostor syndrome or something else entirely is beside the point. I bet everyone has had at least one moment in their life where they felt they weren’t good enough, didn’t measure up, that expectations were higher than abilities, or some other form of self-doubt.

For me, one moment where this was especially true was when my boss told me I “wasn’t technical enough”.

As a woman, and as a quality engineer, this is a pretty standard stereotype and reeks of bias. Men think women are less technical. Developers think quality engineers and testers are less technical.

And yet, despite the stereotypical nature of the comment, I felt very exposed.

I am not a coder. There. I said it. I can code, but honestly, it’s not what I do on a daily basis, and it has never been my primary role at work.

Am I technical? Hell yes!

The irony of the situation here is that I was, in fact, as technical if not more technical than the boss (VP of Engineering) who said this to me. I knew more about our products, system architecture, internal tools, and automation.

She (yes, it was a female boss that said this to me) mentioned that this was not necessarily her opinion, but the opinion of my peers. She suggested I “ask around” to see who said it and why. (I could write heaps about why this is terrible feedback and a terrible way to deliver feedback, however, that is not today’s topic.)

Regardless, I took her advice and asked some of my peers. Here are some paraphrased responses:

“I’m baffled by the question. You’ve come across as knowledgeable and technically competent in all our interactions.”

“Your technical advice on the direction of automation has been invaluable.”

“Of course she’s not technical.” — one person mistakenly thought I was asking if our boss was technical. When I clarified I was asking about myself, he laughed and said something like, “Don’t listen to her, she doesn’t know what she’s talking about.”

And yet, now it was stuck in my mind. I kept wondering if this was what was holding me back, if this was the source of all my problems. Was I blowing it way out of proportion in my mind? Probably. But at the time, it felt like a real issue.

It’s hard (for me, at least), not to spiral out of control for a bit when confronted with negative feedback. It was also hard to process this specific feedback without examples and context. I was at a loss as to how to improve, because I had no idea what actually needed improving.

Today, I am able to recognize, that at that moment, at that place in my career, I was technical enough. And let’s be honest — what does it even mean to be technical enough? Are we talking about pure coding skills? Knowledge of the system architecture? The deployment pipeline and processes?

If you are doubting your worth or feeling less than, start with definitions. Only then can you truly measure.

In my instance, what defined technical enough? Did I need to know how to extend our automation framework? Did I need to be able to write extensive amounts of code? No, that wasn’t my job.

Did I understand how our backend systems worked and fit together? Did I know how to test a web service? Could I debug an issue to determine if it was a backend or client bug? Did I know enough about all the pieces of our system and our automation frameworks to drive improvements in coverage, speed, and ease of testing? The answer to all of those was yes.

Do I still sometimes ask myself if I’m technical enough? Yes, but it all depends on context. To some of my friends, I may seem like the most technical person they know. Yesterday, I disassembled my Litter Robot to replace a faulty sensor. Today, I worked on converting one of my blogs to use Eleventy, and went deep into CSS to mimic how it looked with WordPress. (It’s mostly done, so if you’re curious, head over to puppydogkisses.com.) Then I wrote a Python script to take a text export of Kindle highlights and convert them into .csv. To others, this might all seem commonplace or trivial. It all depends on your perspective.

Remember the saying “don’t judge a book by its cover?” Wouldn’t it be nice if we lived in a world where we are evaluated based on merit rather than being prejudged or stereotyped due to gender, job title, or any other superficial label?

Wrapping up, dealing with the whole “technical enough?” question, especially as a woman in tech, really boils down to knowing yourself and understanding the context. Others may prejudge you or quickly apply a stereotype without evidence or facts. All of this taught me this lesson: being “technical enough” varies a lot depending on the situation, what you're doing, and what you aim to achieve. It's all about setting your own goals and meeting them, not living up to someone else's possibly skewed expectations. I’m not saying your boss’s opinion doesn’t matter, but sometimes…it might need a reality check.

I’m sharing my experiences here, not because I’m an expert, or have it all figured out; it's about building a space where we can support and empower each other, and recognizing that there are many ways to be technical.

Let's share experiences and strategies for overcoming these challenges and affirming our competence in the diverse landscape of tech.

Conversation Starters:

• Ever had one of those moments where you doubted your skills because of something someone said? How'd you deal with it?

• How do you define being “technical enough” in your role?

Leave a comment

More than technical enough,

Brie

Leave me a tip with Ko-fi

Following up, I'm excited to dive into actionable ways we can all pitch in to help and support each other. This is something I care deeply about, as I believe that as women, we must support and uplift each other.

At my last company, I had the honor of serving as lead of the Women’s Employee Resource Group (ERG). In this role, I wanted to foster a sense of inclusion, community, and empowerment for women within the company. In addition to hosting online social events and book club discussions, I used the ERG’s funds to sponsor attendance at conferences such as Girls in Tech. I also started a women-to-women mentorship program, with women from all across the company joining. Some were paired in a traditional 1:1 mentor-mentee relationship, and others into mentorship dens, where each woman had expertise in a skill or area where another member wanted to improve.

It was awesome to see the impact these initiatives had, bringing together a supportive community of women at the company.

Now, I want to do something similar with QUALITY BOSS. As I am currently navigating a job change, and contemplating a career change or at least a shift in focus, I also want to give back to the greater community.

I’ve been exploring becoming a leadership coach or mentor. This is part of the engineering leadership role that I’ve enjoyed immensely and through mentoring with Plato1, I discovered that I can make a difference for others outside my immediate team and colleagues.

All of this has inspired me to write this and share some actionable ways to support and empower women.

Five Ways to Lift and Empower Women

With everyone suffering from burnout, the lingering effects of the COVID-19 pandemic, and the various stresses that life inevitably brings, it’s important that we lift and empower each other.

Here are five actionable ways to do so:

1. Share Expertise and Knowledge

This can be in a formal, mentorship relationship, or can be more casual. You can offer career guidance, share your own experiences, or provide advice. Do you know the best way to get a promotion or raise at your company? Are you an Excel wizard? Offer to share this expertise and knowledge with the women in your life. It can be 1 on 1, or consider running a skills workshop to reach even more women.

2. Amplify Voices

In meetings or discussions, actively listen to women’s ideas and give credit where it’s due. Repeat their points to ensure they’re heard. Promote women’s accomplishments on social media, blogs, or within your organization. Amplify their achievements and contributions.

Several women I know in the software testing community have recently shared some of my posts from QUALITY BOSS on social media and in their newsletters. Their support and the amplification of my writing mean the world to me and have helped spread QUALITY BOSS to new readers.

3. Celebrate Achievements

When you see a woman doing great work, express your admiration and support. Lift her up rather than feeling threatened.

Celebrating each other's successes creates a positive atmosphere that motivates and inspires. Celebrations and recognition can be done in private, but for greater impact, consider public recognition such as in a newsletter, on social media, or in a team meeting.

4. Provide Supportive Feedback

Provide supportive, constructive feedback. Often, we think it’s only a manager’s job to do this. However, good feedback can come from anywhere! If you have constructive feedback to help another woman improve, engage in a meaningful conversation with her. Focus on support and succeeding together.

Some tips on providing feedback (to anyone):

• Make your feedback specific and actionable.

• Focus on growth and frame feedback as such. An example would be taking a presentation from good to great.

• Create a safe space. Make sure feedback is given in a private setting, and that it’s given without judgment.

• Follow-up! Feedback shouldn’t be a one-off. Check in and see how they're doing with the feedback, and if they need any help.

5. Advocacy and Allyship

Advocate for women's rights and equality in the workplace and community. Support gender diversity initiatives, push for fair policies, and stand up for colleagues in everyday situations. Collective advocacy can have a huge impact on creating more equitable environments.

Additionally, I encourage you all to continue to educate and learn. This is especially true for men, who don’t always recognize the challenges that women face.

• Educate yourself about intersectionality—recognize that women’s experiences vary based on race, ethnicity, sexuality, etc.

• Attend workshops, read books, and engage in conversations about gender equality and women’s rights.

Lastly, I want to touch on a crucial “don't”: avoid gossiping about other women. Gossip only feeds into the harmful stereotype of women being catty and undermines the very foundation of trust and support we're trying to build. As someone who has personally experienced the hurtful impact of gossip, I know how painful it can be. Instead, let's commit to being a source of positive conversations that uplift and inspire. By focusing on what brings us together, we can create a more empowering and supportive environment for all women.

Remember, empowering women benefits everyone. Even if you have limited time, some of these can be done in mere minutes. Celebrate accomplishments on social media, share an article or resource that aligns with her interests or professional development goals, or introduce her to someone in your network who may be beneficial to know.

This is not a zero-sum game. Instead of treating it as a competition, let’s recognize that by lifting each other up, we create a stronger, more resilient community and that when one woman wins, we all win. Let’s continue supporting one another!

Conversation Starters:

• Has another woman’s support or advice made a significant difference in your personal or professional life?

• How do you actively contribute to creating a supportive environment for women around you?

• In what ways can we better educate ourselves and others about the importance of gender equality and women's rights?

Leave a comment

Empowering each other is a journey we're all on together, and every step we take makes a difference. I'd love to hear your stories and thoughts, so please share them in the comments below. Let's keep the conversation going and continue to build a community where every woman feels supported and valued. Together, we're unstoppable. 🌟👭💪

xo,

Brie

Leave me a tip with Ko-fi

I want to lift and empower other women, in ways I wish more had done for me throughout my career.

Too often, I see women treating other women even worse than men are treating us. There’s gossip, and in-fighting, and not enough celebrating and supporting. And in the tech industry, where there are already so few women in technical and leadership roles, it can feel like a competition.

What can we do to lift and empower instead of belittling and competing with each other?

How can we recognize the beauty, wisdom, and talents of all the lovely women around us, while empowering ourselves at the same time?

I don’t have answers to all these questions right now. However, I do hope you’ll join me in exploring them.

Conversation Starters:

• Have you supported or empowered a woman in your life?

• Can you think of a time when another woman supported or empowered you? How did it feel?

• What can you do today to support or lift a woman in your life?

Leave a comment

Believing in your magic and mine,

Brie

Leave me a tip with Ko-fi

PS. I highly recommend The Girl and The Goddess by Nikita Gill if you are looking for some thought-provoking, inspirational poetry.

I went ahead and launched with the title, because I didn't want that to be the thing holding me back. I've wanted to start this for a very long time. Now that I'd worked up the courage to get started, the last thing I needed was a minor detail becoming a blocking issue.

But, after the blog went live, I still had some reservations, particularly regarding the term "boss." Given the stigma it can have for women, with some being labeled as "bossy" rather than confident or assertive, I wondered if this was the right choice. The term's authoritarian undertones also made me question if it truly reflected the inclusive and team-oriented values I aspire to uphold.

It's meant to be cheeky, but without explanation, would readers get that?

Other Options

So, I went to ChatGPT for help transforming the tile into something relating to women in tech.

This resulted in a hilarious list:

Certainly, here are 10 blog name options that incorporate the themes of women or girls in the context of quality engineering, management, and leadership:

1. GirlBoss in Tech Insights

2. Women of Quality Engineering

3. TechLeadershipHER

4. SheQuality: Empowering Women in Tech

5. GirlGeeks Unite: Quality Edition

6. Quality Queens' Leadership Hub

7. TechSavvy Women: Quality Insights

8. Leading Ladies in Quality

9. Quality Gals' Leadership Corner

10. EmpowerTech Girls: Quality Perspectives

- ChatGPT

Then I tried prompting it for options more like the original title.

Of course, if you prefer blog name options more in line with the original "Quality Boss," while still incorporating the theme of women or girls in tech, here are 10 suggestions:

1. Quality Boss Woman

2. Tech Quality Queen

3. Leading Ladies of Quality

4. Quality Queen in Tech

5. She Leads Quality

6. Quality Girl Boss Insights

7. Tech Women of Quality

8. Quality Maven Woman

9. Leading with Quality Girls

10. Tech Boss Women

- ChatGPT

The Dilemma

#5 stood out to me - “She Leads Quality.” This seemed to capture the same essence as “Quality Boss,” while avoiding the word boss, and adding in a feminine aspect.

But now I had a new dilemma. Despite finding a title that seemed better aligned, I wasn’t in love with it. I felt torn between what I wanted, “Quality Boss”, and what felt expected or appropriate.

I went back to ChatGPT to help me choose between “Quality Boss” and "She Leads Quality."

Prompt: "Please tell me the impression and ideas that readers would associate with each title."

Both of your blog name ideas, "Quality Boss" and "She Leads Quality," have unique connotations and can resonate with your target audience in different ways:

1. "Quality Boss":

   • Impression: This title conveys a sense of authority and expertise in the field of quality engineering and management. It suggests that the blog is led by someone who is a knowledgeable and experienced leader in the quality industry.

   • Ideas associated with the title: Readers may expect content that focuses on practical advice, best practices, and strategies for quality engineering and management. They might anticipate insights from a seasoned professional in a leadership role.

2. "She Leads Quality":

   • Impression: This title has a more specific and empowering tone. It highlights both leadership and the fact that the blog is written by a woman in tech, emphasizing diversity and inclusion.

   • Ideas associated with the title: Readers may expect content that not only covers quality engineering and management topics but also explores the unique perspective and experiences of a woman in the tech industry. This title can attract readers interested in gender diversity and women's experiences in leadership roles in tech.

Ultimately, the choice between these titles depends on your personal brand and the angle you want to take with your blog. If you want to emphasize your expertise and leadership in quality engineering, "Quality Boss" might be more fitting. On the other hand, if you want to highlight your identity as a woman in tech and promote diversity and inclusion, "She Leads Quality" could be the better choice. You can also consider combining elements of both titles for a more personalized and impactful blog name.

- ChatGPT

Now I felt even more obliged to choose "She Leads Quality,” and yet still hesitant.

Decision Time!

Finally, a friend said "Trust your gut."

And you know what? That's what I'm doing. While "boss" might have some negative stereotypes and stigmas associated with it, it's time to overcome those, and turn things around. It’s time to stop feeling that, as a woman, I have to be feminine, delicate, or dainty. I can defy expectations, even my own!

Also, if I had to pick a theme song, I'd pick Boss B*tch by Doja Cat, so let's just be happy I didn't name the blog "Quality Boss B*tch."

What comes to mind when you hear the word "boss"? Is it positive or negative? Why?

With love from the Boss B*tch,

Brie

This really hit home for me. I have a zillion things I want to do outside of work, and yet, somehow, almost none of them get done.

When I reflect on this, these are the thoughts that cross my mind:

• I want to do x, y, z.

• I don't have time to do x, y, z.

• Wait… I have time to binge-watch Succession, Futurama, the entire previous 34 seasons of The Simpsons, but I don't have time to do things I believe would have a meaningful, positive impact on my life?

• Where does all my time go?

• Oh, right… TV.

• So, do I have time?

• Or don't I?

One of the things I didn't have time for was this blog.

In reality, there's time to accomplish some, or perhaps even most, of the things on my mental list. But it's not as straightforward as just having the time. There are tradeoffs–it's not like there are huge blocks of time when I'm doing absolutely nothing (unless you count watching TV as nothing 😂). Do I want to give up sleeping in? Or cut back on TV? Or read less for fun?

The more I thought about it, the more I realized that it's not necessarily a matter of lacking time. It's that I don't always have enough spoons. If you're not familiar with spoon theory, spoon theory is a way of describing how much mental and/or physical energy a person has available. In effect, saying you're out of spoons or don't have enough spoons, is saying you don't have the mental or physical capacity for something at that moment.

So what I'm really feeling when I don't do the things on that list is that I don't have the energy. The time is there, but the willpower and motivation are not.

After using my brain all day for work, the last thing I want to do is spend even more time at my desk, whether for reading, writing, or learning.

Women these days are told we can have it all. Check out Women can have it all! for a laugh (or perhaps a good cry, nothing wrong with that). It's exhausting just to want it all; I can't imagine having it all.

And I don't even have human kids!

The point? We don't have to have it all. We don't have to even want it all. And we certainly don't have to do it all.

However, the point of this post is to talk about how we go from not having the time to actually doing what we want.

Here are some tips:

1. Shift Your Mindset: Instead of saying, "I don't have time," try reframing it as "I don't have the energy right now" or "I'm choosing not to do it at this moment." This mental shift can help you better understand your priorities and make more intentional choices.

2. Conduct a Time Audit: Take a closer look at how you spend your time. Create a time log for a week to track your activities. This will give you insights into where your time goes and help you identify areas where you can make adjustments.

3. Boost Your Energy: Perhaps you're like me, and you don't have energy for mentally taxing things after work. Recognize that energy levels can fluctuate throughout the day. To make the most of your productive hours, consider scheduling mentally taxing tasks during your peak energy times.

4. Establish Routines: Creating routines and simplifying your daily activities can also free up mental space and help you accomplish more.

5. Feel Free to Say No: Are there optional things taking up your precious time that you'd rather not be doing? Now's the time to Just Say No!

6. Set Specific Goals: Define clear, achievable goals for the tasks or activities you want to accomplish. Having specific objectives in mind can motivate you to manage your time more efficiently.

Personally, I'm actively working on changing my mindset, and deleting "I don't have time" from my vocabulary. I've also found that routines help a lot. I joined a gym (again) and hired a personal trainer, and now I don't have to think about when or where to exercise or what to do, I just show up at the scheduled time. Time blocking has also helped me immensely with staying focused at work. I’ll share more about that in a future post.

And if you're curious, here are some of the things on my list that need doing:

• Create this blog. ✅

• Finish my Treehouse course on JavaScript and Python.

• Read How to Build s Second Brain and take the online course.

• Finish (or restart and then finish) the Emotions course on Coursera.

• Read volumes II and III of the Great Mental Models.

• Take up painting—this one has a whole list of things that come before the actual painting happens. 😞

• Meditate daily.

What’s on your list? Share in the comments!

Hang on to your spoons,

Brie

PS. Whenever I hear someone talk about spoons, my first thought is never spoon theory. I always think of this…