Cultivating Resilience by Changing How You View Your Identity

Discover how redefining your identity around core values rather than roles can boost your resilience and help you navigate life's changes with greater ease.

Jul 23, 2024

Belief, Identity, and Resilience

Last week, I discussed Liminal Thinking and how changing your beliefs is the key to all change. As I wrote that article, I remembered how closely belief and identity are tied together, and how you view your identity can affect your resilience.

“Who you are should be a question of what you value, not what you believe. Values are your core principles in life–they might be excellence and generosity, freedom and fairness, or security and integrity.”
Think Again, Adam Grant

When your identity is tied to your beliefs rather than your values, it is harder to change what you believe. And when your identity is centered on only one thing or dependent on external factors, change is hard, and you are less resilient.

Identity Centered on Roles vs. Values

Take these two examples:

Marge1 is a mother, married, and an accountant. She centers her identity on these three roles.

Lisa is also a mother, married, and an accountant. She centers her identity on her values–family, connection, and financial responsibility.

Marge will have a more challenging time going through a divorce because she will be losing the “married” part of her identity. Divorce won’t necessarily be easy for Lisa, but she will have more resilience because her identity, based on her values, remains intact. She still values connection.

The same goes for a job loss. Marge faces a more complex change because her identity is tied to her job. Lisa may no longer be employed as an accountant, but her value of financial responsibility remains. While how this value shows up may change, her core identity doesn’t have to change with the loss of her job.

As you can see, having an identity tied to values rather than external roles/factors has given Lisa more resilience. This is not to say that change won’t be challenging, but it might be easier.

My Personal Experience with Professional Identity

When I read Think Again a few years ago, I realized my professional identity was completely tied to my job and company. Leaving this job was hard for me; being part of this company and my role within it had become my professional identity. Even my mom had incorporated this into her view of my identity, and when I told her I was quitting, she said, “I can’t imagine you not working there.”

I had to let go of that part of my identity to move to another job. I chose to separate my identity from any particular job or company. When I moved to a new role in a new company, it was hard not to repeat the same mistake and center my identity on the new company.

Developing My Personal Identity and Habits

Beyond my professional life, I’ve also worked on developing a personal identity centered on my core values and habits. I realized that aligning my daily habits with my values helps me stay true to my identity regardless of external circumstances.

For instance, one of my core values is curiosity. I nurture this value by dedicating time each day to learning something new, whether through reading, taking an online course, or exploring a new hobby. This habit keeps me engaged and continuously growing.

Another important value for me is connection. I make it a habit to regularly connect with friends and family to maintain and strengthen these relationships. By prioritizing connection in my daily life, I reinforce my identity as someone who values and nurtures personal relationships.

A Values-Based Identity

Today, I view my identity as a showcase for my values: connection, curiosity, wisdom, courage, and kindness. So whether I’m writing here at QUALITY BOSS, starting a new role as Head of QE, hanging out with friends, or anything else under the sun and stars, I can bring those values with me.

If you’re struggling to identify your core values, you’re not alone. If you’d like help exploring your values, I’m here to support you. Feel free to reach out if you want to discuss this further or need guidance in uncovering your values. Together, we can work on aligning with your core values and building a more resilient and authentic identity.

Conversation Starters

Have you ever experienced a significant change in your life that challenged your identity? How did you cope with it?
How do you separate your professional identity from your job or company? What strategies have helped you maintain a sense of self beyond your role?
What daily habits do you have that align with your core values? How do these habits help you stay true to who you are?
In what ways do you think focusing on values rather than roles or other external factors helps build resilience?

Share your thoughts in the comments!

QUALITY BOSS